One thing that I struggle with a lot is how to deal with the guilt associated with sin. I believe that this is a major problem in my life, because I do not know how to reconcile the fact that I sin with the picture I have of myself. Is this pride? Vanity? Low self-esteem? Probably all three and a lot of other things too.

Something that I found interesting was Galatians 3. The whole chapter deals with the law, in the context of the Jews' legalism. This deals with one aspect of "sinning righteously" (that is, not allowing your sin to disable you and prevent you from continuing God's will): verse 10 says, "All who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: 'Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law.'" Verse 5 says: "Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?"

It's hard for me to realize that God wants me in spite of my faults. That just because I fail all too often does not mean that I have no worth to Him or, indeed, any of my friends. That God is with me not because I observe the law (I don't), but because I believe in Him.

I'm not sure exactly how to get myself to the point where I actually wholeheartedly believe this, to the point where I am able to live with myself after sinning. As it is, I find myself withdrawing and brooding, which I know from twenty years' worth of experience is extremely unhealthy and ultimately counterproductive.

Verse 3 is also interesting: "Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?" But what is the difference? What exactly does it mean for the Spirit to "fix" me? On the one hand, I know that I cannot conquer sin by myself. On the other, I know from experience that God does not expect me to sit back and let Him do all the work (that would be too easy). In the meantime, I just try to do what I think God wants me to, trying to ignore my shortcomings.

C.S. Lewis said that there is nothing more dangerous to the demons than someone who is in the midst of a down point in life--beaten, bruised, or perhaps just bored--who nevertheless keeps on plugging away because he believes in God and made a commitment that he simply won't break. Lewis implied that this occurred during times when God would take away most of His visible presence in that person's life, thereby enabling that person to grow more quickly and permanently. I find this both comforting and encouraging, because, in the midst of guilt about sin, if I keep doing God's will, I am still doing it right by Him.